What They Were Thinking
by DreamerGirl526831
Summary: A series of outtakes from Cassandra Clare's series, The Mortal Instruments. Previously 100 Years
1. Will's Death

**A/N: Hello! This is my first Fanfic in The Infernal Devices realm, so reviews are appreciated! Bolded words are song lyrics. The song is 100 Years by Five for Fighting, a one-man band of John Ondrasik.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing that you are familiar with. All belongs to the lovely Cassandra Clare :)**

**I'm fifteen for a moment**

**Caught in between ten and twenty**

**And I'm just dreaming**

**Counting the ways to where you are**

Will turned on his deathbed; yes, he knew it was that, to see his family surrounding him. Cecy, Sophie, his children, and grandchildren. Gabriel was there, too, and Will smiled at the fact that, seventy years ago, he never would have thought that he would have counted Gabriel among his family. Gideon, either, but he had passed on himself a few years ago. That had been a hard time for dear Sophie, and Will hoped that Sophie would help Tessa through when he died.

Tessa. Tessie, Teresa, Tess, whatever one wants to call her. Will's eyes, the same color they had been fifty years ago, he hoped, slid to his love. She looked the same as she did when they first met, though he had aged so much, with his pure white hair and wrinkled face. So different from his fifteen year old face.

Fifteen. Will remembered being fifteen, wishing that he could show the strong love that he felt for everyone at the Institute, even Jessie. Trying to be sarcastic and cruel had felt so wrong, so against his nature. Trying not to be kind to Jem…ah, Jem. Thinking about him hurt still, even after nearly eight decades. Jem had had white hair long before William. Jem was good, kind, and pure. Everything Will wanted to be, but couldn't, because he thought it would kill his family.

Tessa. She was sitting on the side of his bed gingerly, trying not to make him more uncomfortable. Silly, that. Tess being near him could only feel right, never wrong or uncomfortable. He tried to reach his hand to her, to pull her to him, but he had not the strength. She notices his efforts, though, as always, and slid into his side.

**I'm twenty-two, for a moment**

**And she feels better than ever**

**And we're on fire**

**Making our way back from Mars.**

Cecy was telling the story of her wedding, when Will gave the speech, glorifying the groom, and finished with looking over at his sister and nearly dropping flute of champagne, and proclaiming "Dear God, I thought she was marrying Gideon. I take it all back," just because he knew that his Cecy would hate it, but secretly think it was hilarious. Yes, she was his Cecy, even when she got married and had children of her own. She may have been loving others, and loving others, and caring for others, but the fact would never change that she gave up her safe life in the Welsh countryside, making an advantageous marriage to please their parents, to bring him back, and then stay with him, when she realized that he could never go back.

Will closed his eyes, weary, but not wanting to slip into sleep for an instant, knowing that he would only sleep one more time, and it would be never ending.

It had been like coming back from a strange planet, when Tess came into his world. The first time he saw her, when she threw a jug at him, he started questioning if it was worth it to be so contrary to his nature, even if it would kill people. Of course, that thought didn't last long, but, obviously, he had done something about it. Then, once James was born and he and Tessa had started to settle down a little bit, well, as much as one can when one is being called out to fight demons every day, he came slightly back down to Earth, but flew back up again every time he watched Tess do anything.

Twenty-two. Cecy got married, Sophie finally got out of the habit if calling Gideon, "Mr. Lightwood", and Tessa's and his first child was born. James. Will had suggested the name when they learned that the child was a boy, and Tessa had readily agreed. His middle name was Nathaniel, but it was surprisingly Will's suggestion as well, knowing that Tessa wanted it, but would never admit to it because she thought that it would offend so many others, with Nathaniel being a spy for Mortmain.

Charlotte and Henry also had another child. A girl this time, Jocelyn, with the flaming hair characteristic to all three of their children. Will smiled, hoping that the name would not be lost. He was especially fond of that name, but he didn't want to have two Jocelyns in the family, because none of them could even keep the non-duplicated names straight, with there being so many of them.

**Fifteen there's still time for you.**

**Time to buy and time to lose.**

**Fifteen.**

**There's never a wish better than this,**

**When you only got a hundred years to live.**

There was time was he was fifteen, he just didn't know it. Will had purposely thrown himself into unnecessary danger so he might be able to "accidentally" be done with acting so constantly. Will weakly shakes his head weakly to clear the morbid thoughts. He looks over at Tessa, and their eyes lock. The people surrounding him notice them gazing at each other, come over, kiss him goodbye and leave.

Time. The only thing that he could possibly want right now. He has love, family, and mandate from heaven. All he could ever ask for is more time, something no seventeen year old thinks of.

Tess curls into his side, and a tear slips down his cheek as she kisses him one last time.

**I'm thirty-three for a moment.**

**I'm still the man, but you see I'm a they.**

**A kid on the way.**

**A family on my mind.**

Thirty-three. It was a good age, he thought. What with eleven year old James and seven year old Elizabeth leading toddling three year old Richard around the Institute, and Tessa round with their fourth child, now Margaret, after Will's mother. She demanded that everyone call her Maggie, when she was young, and even still, as she claimed that Margaret was too old fashioned for the modern world, though it fit Grandmother perfectly, even though she had only seen her grandma five times at the age of ten.

Will vaguely registers that a Silent Brother slips in the door, but doesn't think anything of it until the Brother ghosts toward Jem's violin case. Will sucks in a small gasp as The Brother's hood falls back, revealing Jem's face, and Jem plays.

**I'm forty-five, for a moment.**

**The sea is high, and I'm heading into a crisis**

**Chasing the years**

**Of my life.**

Jem plays through the day Will demanded that he be the one to perform the Shadowhunter protection ceremony over his namesake, and how Jem had had to turn away when he heard the child's name. Will ran through his life as Jem played it. He only thing that Jem didn't play, because he had not been there for it, was the death of Ella, and Will was glad that Jem didn't play that, because he would have begun sobbing, and the energy that would have taken would have shortened his time with his two favorite people.

Forty-three. That had been a hard year for William. He had begun to see that he and everyone around him had begun aging, and Tessa was not. Will didn't have a problem with it himself, per say, but Tessa didn't like it, so he didn't. Tessa had wanted to die with him, or soon after him, or at least grow old and gray with him. Will had once found a list of weapons in her nightstand while looking for a band-aid for one of their children, and she had explained it by saying that she didn't want to live without him. Will had quickly put a stop to that line of thinking.

He had also questioned the usefulness of being a Shadowhunter. If the mortals didn't care about being saved, why should they be saved? But Tessa had talked him down from his anger quickly, coolly, and rightly. She had said that they don't know if there is another race fighting around the gates out of Pandemonium, the demon city, to Earth, and trying to help keep the demons there.

"We wouldn't know to be thankful, because we don't know they exist," she had explained, as though to a child.

Will had had to admit that she was correct.

**Fifteen, there's still time for you.**

**Time to buy and time to lose yourself**

**Within a morning star.**

**Fifteen I'm alright with you.**

**Fifteen.**

**There's never a wish,**

**Better than this.**

**When you only got a hundred years **

**to live.**

Will remembered when James had been fifteen, thinking that he was so grown up as he dropped snakes down his sister's, aunt's, and mother's dresses, though he had often had help from his brother, father, and uncles. He remembered, as Jem played through them, the days when Jem had come to the Institute for one reason or another and seen James joke with his family, and the aura of contentment that Jem had emitted.

Will hoped that his children would live for one hundred years, just to have a sense of how vast the world really is. The world is so much more than yours, and those surrounding you. Will only realized it as he was dying, and felt an overwhelming sense of…smallness, was the only word he could think of. It was not often that words failed him.

**Half time goes by,**

**Suddenly you're wise.**

**Another blink of an eye,**

**Sixty-seven is gone.**

**The sun is getting high.**

**We're moving on.**

Fifty had come unbelievably fast. The idea of being half-way to one hundred had frightened Will more than he had cared to admit, and then he had had the awkward realization that he was attempting to give his grown children "words of wisdom", and they were listening. When Will had brought up the strange phenomenon to Tessa one night, she had simply teased him about getting old, though she had seemed melancholy about not aging again.

He had also found that, as he aged, he didn't care about things that used to irritate him. When Gabriel flirted with his sister, he didn't see red. And he had, even when they had gotten married. Or when men flirted with Tessa, since she still looked twenty. They would assume that the old man she was walking with was her father, or uncle, not her husband, and they asked her out, and flirted shamelessly. When they had been in their fourties, it hadn't been all that awkward to tell them that the older man was her husband, but when they were sixty, she had to laugh them off, and eventually, Will didn't care anymore. He knew that Tessa wouldn't leave him, and he just stood to the side, silently admiring his wife.

**I'm ninety-nine, for a moment.**

**I'm dying for just another moment**

**And I'm just dreamin'.**

**Countin' the ways to where you are.**

Ninety-nine. It would be a very hard age, he thought. Will was only eighty, and he felt so ancient, and buried in the newness of the world. Everyone was moving too fast for an old man to keep up with.

Will turned his head slightly to look at his wife, as Jem continued playing, nearing the end, now.

_Please, God, if you exist, if you could listen to someone who has erred so many times, give me just a little more time to see my best friend and my love, to show them that I have no regrets, no sadness other than I won't see them again and recognize them._

He gazed at Tess's gray eyes, and they were filled with love and tears. She laid her head on his chest, and Jem put the violin down in the box. Jem came over and took Will's hand. He said something his mind, but Will couldn't tell what it was, because he was so overwhelmed. He was dying. Before it was real, but now it was upon him. It was a scary though, yet oddly peaceful.

**Fifteen, there's still time for you.**

**Twenty-two, I feel her too.**

**Thirty-three, you're on your way.**

**Every day's a new day.**

A new day, one more dawn with Tessa at his side would be so welcome, but impossible. He had only moments left, and he was spending his last seconds on Earth as he wanted to, with Jem and his Tess.

**Fifteen, there's still time for you.**

**Time to buy and time to choose, hey.**

**There's never a wish, **

**Better than this.**

**When you only got a hundred years to live.**

Will gazed at his wife and brother one last time, and let his eyelids slide closed, content in their love. But not before Tessa kissed him one last time.


	2. The Silent Years

**A/N I wasn't planning on continuing this, but I got a few follows, so I figured I could take requests for outtakes. R&R!**

* * *

Jem nervously strode out of the Silent City, feeling strange. It was odd to be walking around, looking like a relatively normal person, after so many years of being Brother Zachariah. Now he was just Jem. Nothing less, but nothing more, either.

The day he became one of the Brotherhood was one of the hardest days of his life. Nearly harder than being tortured by Yanluo, because he had made the decision himself, to leave everyone he loved, especially Tessa and Will. He still didn't know who held more of his heart. When the first Rune of the Brothers, the one of increased mental speed, had been placed on him, he had felt his _parabatai_ bond shatter. Jem had nearly called out for Brother Enoch to stop, but he had known it was too late. His bond with Will was gone, and though his bond with Tessa was supposed to be gone as well, he knew it was not.

Tessa was the one whom he would love forever. The one he could never be vexed with, like he could with Will. Jem knew that he always had and always would love Will, but Will had spent so many years trying to keep people from loving him that it occasionally showed, such as what happened that night on Whitechapel. Will had only been trying to rid himself of his own troubles, which any man would be able to understand, Jem thought, but he had attempted to lose his troubles in the thing that was killing Jem.

Jem smiled. The think that _used_ to be killing him. He wondered how Tessa would react to seeing him in civilian clothes, since he could no longer wear the robes of the Brotherhood.

Those days just after his transformation had been torture. Knowing that Tessa still loved him, even if she loved Will too, and he couldn't be with her, ever, he thought, was pure agony. Worse than the _yin fen_ burning his body from the inside out, worse than when he got the demon _ichor_ on his body, his body that was already so weak and couldn't cope with any added stress.

But it had helped, knowing that Will was with Tessa, if only because she was being comforted. He didn't like it that she was being comforted by one other than himself, but it couldn't be helped.

Tessa. She had been a wonderful mother, and a wonderful wife to William. Every time, however, that Jem saw them, he felt a pang of jealousy and anger. Not towards a human, but to the demon who did this to him. If he had never been an addict, he would have married Tessa, and they would have both been under gravestones long before today.

When Jem thought about his past life, Tessa always came first, but Will was second. Will, who had bought the drug for him, and always looked out for his blood brother. That was nearly as hard as losing Tessa, and now he had a chance to get Tessa back. Will…would never be recognized again. Jem was certain that they would meet again in another life, but they would not recognize each other. They would love each other as fiercely and brotherly as before, but they would not remember the countless times spent chasing demons through the streets of London or the trips out to other Institutes, and arguing good-naturedly on the train there.

And Charlotte and Henry and Jessie and the Lightwoods and Sophie and all their children. Jem would never meet them. He was gone for too long, and sometimes he wondered if they all ever would meet in another life. Maybe Jem was going to die at a point where their rebirths wouldn't match up, and Will would be about to die just as Jem is born again.

Jem had stopped himself from dwelling too long on these thoughts for the sake of his own sanity. He had to believe that they would all meet again, or he would not be able to function.

Jem walked quickly to the bridge where he and Tessa meet every year. Well, hopefully, he thought to himself, every year before this. He hoped that Tessa would go with him, and they would never have to arrange a meeting again.

Jem sucked in a breath as he saw her. She was staring out over the cold, grey water, and the she saw him, and her eyes widened. He wondered why, and then he remembered that she would have been looking for Brother Zachariah. She grinned, and Jem stepped forward to live his life once again.


End file.
